Ah, Gaddafi, you sly dog, hiding your weapons in schools and mosques. That old trick won't work. Now we're going to have to kill innocent people in order to stop you killing innocent people.
Hey, remember when Gaddafi was the "Mad dog of the Middle East" and was the worst enemy going and nationalised BP's oil holdings, supported and gave bombs to the IRA and virtually every other terrorist organisation that came knocking at his door? Then allegedly gave the command to carry out the worst terrorist atrocity on British soil?
Remember when we forgot all those crimes about 10 years ago and it was suddenly water under the bridge when we realised we shared a common enemy in Al Qaeda? And co-incidentally we drew up massive oil and weapons trading programs with the (formerly terrorist) custodians of the 9th largest oil reserves in the world?
Remember when Blair shook Gaddafi's hand and welcomed him back into the fold with great fanfare and we "compassionately released" Abdelbaset al-Megrahi, previously convicted for the Lockerbie bombing because he had only 3 months to live (he's still alive; it's a long three months)?
Remember how that compassionate release came about just before Megrahi's final appeal that was due to bring evidence to light that cast serious aspersions on Megrahi's (or even Libya's) involvement in the crime.
And remember when Gaddafi went bad again and started killing his own people? Remember that? It was just February this year. He just went mental. Before that - between 2003 and February 2011 - he was good and killed no one for a bit, and we all enjoyed selling weapons to Good Gaddafi. We especially enjoyed selling tear gas, chemical weapons and small guns to Good Gaddafi. The French preferred providing Good Gaddafi with ammunition and military planes. But then he went rogue again, back to his old ways - after only 7 years of being good - and we had to step in and stop him. And by step in, I mean we had to invade Libya's sovereignty.
These things are all unconnected, you understand, and I list them only for reasons of nostalgic indulgence and not in any way as a slightly strained way of introducing the theme of our latest Print-and-play game: "Our Sonovabitch".
"Franklin D. Roosevelt is reported to have said of the Nicaraguan dictator, Anastasio Somoza, "He may be a son of a bitch, but he's our son of a bitch". The story is apocryphal, but it tells a truth that persists today. We will support, encourage and sell arms to the worst of humanity as long as it is convenient to do so. Once the relationship sours, however, it's time to back out as quickly and quietly as possible, preferably invading in the wake to claim a righteous victory for democracy and freedom!"
Our Sonovabitch is about a fictional, dystopian future, a bleak future, void of morals and ethics, where diplomatic relations, financial and military support are offered not to the most deserving nations, but those most strategically beneficial to our immediate goals - regardless of what lunatic dictator is running that country and what that dictator does with our financial aid and our military and financial support is a total irrelevance.
In this future, you must sell arms to various countries as they start "kicking off". (Popular uprisings are great for business). But be careful! If you are called out on selling arms to politically dodgy customers, your diplomats will be shamed into retirement and your ability to do further deals reduces. Alternatively, you could just turn the tables and deflect attention onto your opponent and criticise them for the exact same dubious selling practices.
Posted by TerrorBull Games on 17 June 2011 - 5 comments
Comments so far:
- Finally! I've been waiting for your take on the Arab Awakening and you haven't disappointed. Can't wait to play this!Joss from London - 21 June 2011
- Hey guys just wanted to say we just finished an evening playing thi,s got about 10 games in, it is really, really, really good! Seriously guys, well done, this is like a proper game, I'm going to make a hard-backed, folding version tomorrow. Thanks yo u guys are AWESOME!!!!Janet from Melbourne - 2 July 2011
- Oh yeh, I FUCKIN' LUV your captcha!Janet from Melbourne - 2 July 2011
- That historical recap just made my day. :-D Also, kudos for having Israel as 7, and for the Grim Diplomats ^_^Chris Swann from Londontown - 12 July 2011
- Joss - it kind of terrifies us to think that anyone should be waiting on our commentary to something like the Arab Awakening; Janet - awesome! So glad you and your friends enjoyed it; Chris - we are happy to oblige; Israel only happens to be 7 because of its coincidental geographical location towards the centre of the board, you understand? :)TerrorBull Games - 19 July 2011
We're very bad at multi-tasking down in the bunker. Mainly because there's only one pair of scissors and Tom's always using those to cut the hard skin off his feet. What tends to happen is that we go really quiet for several months, then emerge, butterfly-like, with so many things to talk about that we confuse both ourselves and everyone else.
So in an effort to impose some kind of schedule, here's a brief preview of what you can look forward to in the coming months and also the reason(s) we've been quieter than a paedophile at the Daily Mail AGM.
GaGA - Games as Grassroots Activism is a new, radical gamers' collective that we'll be launching in a few weeks. It's for anyone involved in using games for educational, political or activist ends. That means it's for teachers, artists, publishers and journalists as much as for actual game designers. Drop us a line if you'd like to come on board. Founding members get a special star next to their name. You heard me - a special star.
New Print-and-Play Game
Inspired by the Arab awakening, in particular the revolutions in Tunisia and Egypt, we had our own awakening: isn't it funny how all these dictators are our best mates right up until the moment it becomes utterly impossible to support them any more and then suddenly "MUBARAK MUST GO!" and we're trumpeting on about the wonders of democracy and stressing the need for a "smooth, trouble-free transition" - which roughly translates as: "give us time to find a new pliable patsy who will happily subjugate his own peoples' most basic human rights in exchange for a few hundred thousand dollars in his Swiss bank account". Anyway, we made a game about just that. It's almost finished.
War on Terror, the application
We've dropped enough hints by now, so it's time to stop being coy. We're making an iOS app version of War on Terror. Labelled "impossible" by no fewer than three separate developers over the years, it's - not surprisingly - been a project-and-a-half so far, but we're very happy about how it's shaping up. We're about 75% done and aiming for a Summer release. Drop us a line if the thought of getting on the beta testing list means more to you than your first-born child and maybe we'll think about it.
On top of all of that, we're working on two full-release games, a load of "how to" videos and some silly side-projects. So, to dispel those rumours once and for all, our low profile isn't because we've gone blind as a result of onanastic over-indulgence. Our vision still works perfefcatlw elwl.
"Always end on a joke" - The Spirit of the Blog by Seth Godin, p.43
Posted by TerrorBull Games on 2 June 2011 - 3 comments
Comments so far:
- VERY much looking forward to all of these things. Timmy from Down the well - 14 June 2011
- you are feckin nutzyer mom from berkeley - 19 July 2011
- Hi mum. Sorry.TerrorBull Games - 19 July 2011
Osama Bin Laden has been killed. And as the figurehead of the most notorious terrorist organisation in the world today, surely this is as close as it gets to winning the war on terror? And since our first game was designed as a humble protest - a feeble attempt to stop that war - we can no longer justify its production or sale. Therefore, we are triumphantly shutting up shop, effective immediately. USA! USA!
Nah, only kidding. There's bills to pay and Tom needs new shoes. Still, we're very happy that the war on terror is over. Man, it sucked for a good ten years there, but we finally kicked Terror's butt. As Ed Miliband said on the news, "we woke up this morning, the world a safer place, but our vigilance against terrorism must and will continue". In other words, we are protecting you, but still be afraid. This is the kind of double-think that has characterised the 'war on terror' since its inception.
the jubilation is spontaneous and child-like, tapping into a sense of primal, universal justice that needs no courts to validate Take the actual operation. The night-time raid was carried out in secret, with all the nobility and justice of a gangland slaying. It's not applauded when it's the Bloods and Crips on the streets of LA and it certainly wouldn't be celebrated round the world if carried out by Pakistani secret service, complete with gunships and heavy artillery, in the hills of West Virginia. And yet president Obama talked of the operation that brought Osama Bin Laden "to justice". His predecessor, George Junior, echoed this sentiment, he said: "America has sent an unmistakable message: No matter how long it takes, justice will be done".
The awkward implication of such triumphalism is that if this is "justice", why bother with courts? If America (and the world, apparently) is happy with summary execution as a form of justice, then why is Khalid Shaikh Mohammed - alleged "mastermind of 9/11" - being tried at great expense in a civilian court in New York City? Why not put a bullet in his head and throw him in the lake to sleep with the fishes like Osama? After all, Osama wasn't even formally connected with 9/11, according to the FBI themselves (check the 'wanted for' list of crimes on the FBI Most Wanted page), but the guy who is the self-proclaimed mastermind gets a "fair trial"? Seems ... contradictory.
Of course, it's not good news for everyone. As some have already pointed out, Osama Bin Laden was regarded not as an evil terrorist, but as a great hero by many people all over the world. Ronald Reagan, for example, would no doubt be saddened by the news, were he alive today.
It's not repeated often enough that he remarked of Bin Laden and his fellow Mujahideen: "These gentlemen are the moral equivalents of America's founding fathers". Reagan even received the leaders of the Mujahideen in the White House (see photo above) and then dedicated the space shuttle Columbia to them, calling them "freedom fighters". (This was before they mutated into Al Qaeda and became ungrateful terrorists, using all the training, organisation and Stinger missiles we gave them against us).
Why was Reagan so effusive in his praise for this rag-tag band of fanatics and dangerous extremists? They were fighting back the Soviet forces who were occupying Afghanistan during the 1980s. Naturally the Russians insisted they were there not to occupy, but to liberate the country - and that they were there at the invitation of the Afghan government ... but the Ruskies were fools to think we'd fall for a line like that.
In one of those ironic twists that only history is capable of delivering, Bin Laden became the nominated reason we invaded Afghanistan 15 years later. As George W. Bush said, there should be "no distinction between the terrorists who committed these acts (9-11 attacks) and those who harbor them." These words, from Bush's infamous September 2001 speech, were mirroring Henry Kissinger's own sentiments, earlier: "Those who provide support, financing, and inspiration to the terrorists are as guilty as they are." This being true, Kissinger and Bush would of course be both first in line for a special-forces middle-of-the-night execution. Worse, the entire country of America would stand guilty and exposed, open to invasion, for harbouring such criminals.
Working under the service of several administrations, Kissinger has provided undeniable "support, financing, and inspiration" to state terrorism in Indonesia, Cambodia, the Philippines, South Africa, Iran, Bangladesh and most of the countries of Central and South America. The accumulated death toll from these acts can scarcely be guessed at, but clearly eclipses, several times over, Bin Laden's crimes. It's only natural, then, that Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1973; an honour he shares with the current president for his services and dedication to peace and justice throughout the world.
To be fair, Kissinger's prize was awarded before he had a chance to conduct many of his more heinous crimes against humanity, such as his support of Suharto's genocide of the East Timorese which saw the slaughter of over 100,000 men, women and children. Presumably, Obama's premature Peace Prize was given to him in anticipation that he, like Kissinger, would go on to achieve similar heights of international terror and destruction. He has certainly got off to a good start.
But there's no room for such ambiguities or contradictions in today's news reports. As the crowds gather on the streets in the United States,chanting and waving their flags, it really looks like the good guys have won. Like the end of Rocky, when the crowd storm the ring, the jubilation is spontaneous and child-like, tapping into a sense of primal, universal justice that needs no courts to validate.
But there's a problem with being the good guys: we need the bad guys. After all, what's good without evil? It is meaningless. That's why Rocky II followed Rocky and that's why our next nemesis is just a name's throw away. To paraphrase Voltaire: much like God, if Osama does not exist, we need to invent him.
08/05/11 - UPDATE. Felt this was relevant. Or, at least highly moving:
Posted by TerrorBull Games on 2 May 2011 - 5 comments
Comments so far:
- Formidable, as always gents! Spot on.Graham Murphy from London - 3 May 2011
- Can I also just say, it's such a pleasure leaving a comment on your blog with the War Criminal Captcha. I like to get it wrong a couple of times first, just to get the error message.Graham Murphy from London - 3 May 2011
- Graham, thank you for your kind words. If we can give some little pleasure through a criminal captcha, imagine how much joy we'd bring by bringing the actual perpetrator to justice. May I suggest a night-time bullet-to-the-head?TerrorBull Games - 4 May 2011
- No no no, get with the times. Extra judicial killing apparently became acceptable.Michael from Edinburgh - 4 May 2011
- Fear and Loathing on Wall Street: Clift’s notes of the last ten+ years, and the War on Terror’s evolution Some of my friends contend CEOs of humungous, multi-nationals—Exxon-Mobile, Monsanto and Pfizer spring to mind—are not simply callous; they’re stupid as well. I disagree. As a class of people, powerful magnates are not really the ignoramuses we may make them out to be. Moreover, most Forture-500 corporate CEOs are potentially not all that much more callous than everyday ordinary Americans who have learned not to make eye contact when needy people pass them on the street, or to get choked up every time a passel of innocent children are incinerated by a drone missile in yet another far-away country whose name we can barely pronounce. No, what I strongly suspect characterizes your typical corporate big wig is neither exceptional stupidity nor callousness, but rather, fearfulness. Let me explain. Madoff On April 26, radio host, Terry Gross interviews New York Times financial writer, Diana Henriques apropos to her recently published book, The Wizard of Lies, about Bernie Madoff and the scandal of surrounding him. Henriques notes Madoff cannot face the fact that--when his Ponzi scheme goes south, and he’s finally arrested and thrown into the clink—he’s ever really lost a handle on the situation. He’s in the clink because that’s the way he wants it is all. The game, apparently, has started to bore him, and burned out by the day to day grind, he chooses the brig. Voluntarily. They never would have gotten to him if he had not let them! Rewind to Bush/Cheney In the first months of the new Administration, Bush/Cheney make a priority of energy independence. They want to roll back previous environmental protections, open the Arctic up to exploratory oil drilling. Do they show concern for what happens after oil reserves are exhausted? One would not exactly put it that way. Bush and Cheney are oilmen; Cheney was the former CEO of Halliburton. In The Shock Doctrine, Naomi Klein describes a “revolving door policy” affecting the Executive Branch of the Federal Government. This policy rewards private lobbyists for patronage they have offered by granting them political appointments later on. In exchange, politicians, when they step down from- or lose public office, are offered six or seven-figure jobs in the private sector. 9/11 and its aftermath The Chief Executives hide… President and Vice-President re-emerge. ‘The most patriotic thing Americans can do in aftermath of 9/11 is buy,’ Bush declares: War on Terror, Afghanistan, Iraq (They say it’s over....just about…What about Afghanistan?) The reasons for The War on Terror are multifaceted, including: the chance to flex our muscles; remind the world “we’re Number 1,” shore up political influence. Are there still other, covert but equally ‘satisfying’ psychologically reasons for the War? And could the War on Terror in some way gratify the popsters of corporate-dom? Consider Terror’s fallout: 1)Distracted public attention away from Wall Street shenanigans, 2)Calmed entrepreneurial fears that (although their sphincters may act up because of an over-inflated Stock Market) they can say with some probity: We’re not the only ones shitting our pants! Sources: Henriques, Diana B., on The Wizard of Lies: Bernie Madoff and the death of trust Times Books: 2011, in an April 26, 2011 interview: by Fresh Air’s Terry Gross Klein, Naomi, The Shock Doctrine: The rise of disaster capitalism, New York, Henry Holt and Company, 2008 Sachs, Jeffrey, “The World is Drowning in Corporate Fraud.” http://www.b-fair.net/?p=2183, B-Fair Project, May, 2011Charles from Texas - 15 May 2011
We went to see Stewart Lee at the weekend. It's not habitual for us to write about our private, social outings, but this was a special evening and there's a strained tie-in with War on Terror, so bear with us.
We grew up (read: "distracted ourselves at university when we should have been studying") with Stewart Lee's comedy as a persistent background, kind of like a funny wasp. These days he is known by many for writing and directing Jerry Springer the Opera (check out this great documentary on the fall-out of that) and also for his highly crafted stand-up routines. So it was a moment of great excitement to actually get to see him perform live. To mark the occasion we decided to leave Mr. Lee a gift of War on Terror at the venue as a token of admiration and respect for the funny man.
After the show, we lined up to get our "merch" signed. We introduced ourselves and the lovely man responded by insisting on returning our money. He thanked us for our random present and said he'd been chuckling at the box and was looking forward to playing it. The exact words were, "It'll make a welcome change from playing Risk with the wife". We thought about using this as an official quote, but he did tell us this in the course of a private conversation and we didn't want to breach his confidentiality. And anyway, something even better landed in our lap ...
"It'll make a welcome change from playing Risk with the wife" - Stewart Lee When it came to getting his book signed, Andy S, sensing a golden marketing opportunity, cheekily asked Stewart Lee to make it out to "War-on-Terror-is-the-best-board-game-in-the-world-ever". Amazingly, he happily obliged but changed the wording ever so slightly, to be more epistemologically valid:
"War on Terror is the best board game's box I ever read" - Stewart Lee.
You're probably thinking that we were disappointed by Stewart's redacted version. You're probably thinking that his unshakable integrity thwarted our PR coup and that, being the owner of the "best board game's box" is unmilkable in terms of publicity value. BUT YOU'D BE WRONG. Because Stewart Lee told us himself that his dad used to package board games and that he often brought home the spoils of his job to a young Stewart, who then became unusually familiar with board games and their boxes. In fact, it wouldn't be too great a leap of logic to call Stewart Lee an "expert in the boxes of board games". For the hard of reading, what this means is that we are now in possession of a rare and excellent endorsement from one of the greatest stand-ups (and board game box experts) in Britain. Result!
Also, quick "life hack" for you. If you want to get free stuff from your comedy heroes, it transpires that all you need to do is leave them a present earlier in the day - preferably something that you've made yourself, that unwittingly ties into their childhood in some way, like a board game. Best to mass-produce the game too; you'll want to keep costs down. Then you just need to market and sell it for a few years to make sure it is something that is vaguely familiar when your "target" sees it. Then, bingo! Free booty.
Incidentally, I thoroughly recommend reading Stewart Lee's collection of bad reviews (you need to scroll down a bit). Favourite line: "Everyone was laughing at him, and I hated his guts".
Also, not worth a blog post to itself, but too good to simply not mention, here's a great little story about someone trying to take War on Terror on a plane with them to Israel and Ewe of the Falklands has been reviewed in "PC Gamer" magazine!
Posted by TerrorBull Games on 9 March 2011 - 4 comments
Comments so far:
- I was there too! Great gig.Dan Brown from Cambridge - 9 March 2011
- Haha! Love it! You are very lucky to meet him. And Stewart Lee has great taste (in boxes).Sara - 14 March 2011
- Very good. You guys really are masters of spin.Itchy - 3 April 2011
- Loved this. Excellent advice.Justin from Countryside! - 13 May 2011
Recently we discovered an active group of friendly, independent game designers right here in Cambridge. It was quite a surprise. Like finding out there are people living in the disused tunnels of the New York subway system. Suddenly, there was this thriving subculture right under our feet.
Although these gamers are mostly computer types, we quickly learned there was plenty of common ground, so we attended one of their regular "game jam" weekends at the beginning of the month. Basically this involves shutting 40 geeks upstairs at the local cafe for four days and seeing what comes out the other end. Turns out a whole bunch of weird is what comes out the other end. Here's our offering. We actually made two games:
Metakettle is a print-and-play game about kettling to be played by any group of people while being kettled. We're hoping it will be the first in a series of 'detention games'.
Ewe of the Falklands
Ewe of the Falklands is TerrorBull Game's FIRST EVER COMPUTER GAME! Yeeeeaaah! It's also embarrassingly shit. But please don't let that put you off. Ewe of the Falklands is a choose-your-own-adventure type game about the Falklands War from the point of view of a pacifist sheep. Rather predictably, it ended up being about the futility of war. But more than that, it is about the futility of being a sheep trying to stop that war.
Instructions: Download the zip file, extract it and double-click "Falklands.exe" to start the game. Yeh, sorry it's not a fancy play-in-your-browser game, but we have to start somewhere. And no it's not a virus, honest.
So there you have it. Our first forray into the digital world. It can only get better from here, right? By the way, the game was built with Ren'Py, a "visual novel engine" best suited to making porny-hentai fan fiction. It is very easy to use. I mean, if we can, anyone can. So if you're feeling creative (or porny), download it and give it a whirl. And be sure to tell us about your results.
Posted by TerrorBull Games on 17 February 2011 - 9 comments
Comments so far:
- I think this is the tipping point ... I'm going to buy stocks in TerrorBull GamesMatt from Brighton - 18 February 2011
- King of Peru, Thanks Haig!Ian from Cambridge - 18 February 2011
- I cannot win. I enjoyed my time as a sheep, especially eating cud.Quinlan Pfiffer from United States - 18 February 2011
- Learned about Ewe of the Falklands thanks to Renpy Tom's Twitter. If you want to talk about it with other visual novel fans, then you might benefit by joining the Lemma Soft Forums. You'll find at least a few other people there who are interested in offbeat and experimental visual novels. (While there are certainly a lot of porn/harem games in English, please keep in mind that many people who are writing their own freeware games want more diverse, unique content.)gekiganwing from Chicago - 19 February 2011
- Hi gekiganwing, thanks for the heads up about the Lemma Soft forums - I'll post it up there on Monday.TerrorBull Games - 19 February 2011
- Hi guys and girls, this looks great but I'm at loss how to install this on Linux. Help!Ant from Luxemburg - 22 February 2011
- Hey Ant. I'm afraid I can't help you directly, but this thread (http://ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?t=1528707) contains some info, specifically: "In general, .tar.bz2 Ren'Py games do not require an install to run. Instead, all you need to do to run them is to run the gamename.sh file that's included in the package." Let us know how you get on. And I do hope it's worth the hassle :)TerrorBull Games - 23 February 2011
- Metakettle - that seals it, you guys are now my Favourite People. :-D (Also, War Criminal Captcha - ingenious :-p )Chris Cisne from Londinium - 4 March 2011
- Yahoo!... Hey guys! I made an article review on one of your games... http://studiomugenjohncel.wordpress.com/2011/05/02/ewe-of-the-falklands-i-dont-know-just-read-on/Mugenjohncel from Philippines - 2 May 2011